In the Beercellar’s Blog’s now classic and most famous post About Time I Said Something About Harold Klemp… I talked a lot about Truth and a little about the secrets of Truth (which I felt were very untruthful). Since that time, more surfing the web has been done, and more extremely entertaining things have been unearthed relating to the ECK Master, Harold Klemp. The video on Singing the HU linked at the top here is a pretty amazing gem. I love how he attempts to help the strangers get relaxed…and then works in this reference to a special spiritual skill he has that they don’t. He has a way for them to get it too…but they won’t feel it tonight, of course, Harold Klemp would be very surprised if you did. The guy is a dead ringer for a George W. Bush impersonator in his cadence, his smirk, his frequent look of total freak out fear (like “what the hell am I supposed to say next?”), his vocabulary, and even kind of in his appearance. Amazing shit. I love how he can barely believe he’s singing HU, how he keeps looking around and swinging around in his chair…what a genius.
In one of my searches long ago (I’m not even sure I was searching using Google, the search engine back when I found this!) I discovered that there are a pretty fair number of chat boards with discussions about the ol’ Klempster. Some pretty fascinating stuff. Things like, get this, lots of people really believe that this guy is some sort of divinity. Some people spent their lives (and some still might be) following his “teachings”…and some have ended up feeling let down, betrayed, confused, angry, and hurt by their own stupidity. To compensate for this, some of them started picking apart little details of the so-called Eckankar “teachings”–and particularly Sri Harold Klemp’s peculiarities– and pointing out to each other (I guess maybe these are new fangled “cyber space”–where what you are seeing exists RIGHT NOW!!–Eckist recovery groups) how it just couldn’t be true.
I never knew that Harold was sick because he was taking on the pain and suffering of all his followers until I spent some of my own time reading the discussion chat forums. One that is particularly good is linked here: “The Definitive Harold Klemp Chat” Some of this stuff is really truly wonderful. It proves how incredible the internet can be, and I think, shows what great potential the internet or “web” (as some insiders call it) has to help spread ideas and community in a new way that the world before this time had never considered. A lot of potential in this medium, I feel pretty confident in that proclamation. I think the internet is here to stay…but anyway, back to Harold Klemp, the great ECK cultmaster.
Seriously, take a look at the Quirks and Foibles thread. Click Right Here to Be Transported. More Classic than this blog’s own most famous Post. Some of it I simply must reprint here, though. Like this passage:
You know, there have been times & places where I’ve noticed sort
of “funny” things about computers…I’m not a “scientific” person,
but I think it’s possible that electromagnetic radiation can
certainly affect people. My own personal theory (one of them) is
that computers can somehow amplify & transmit the “vibes” of their
environment, and users. Now…this didn’t happen to me on *all*
computers over the years, just some. But…when you’re working on
them, you have to deal with it. So…I dealt with it. I felt I sort
of “adjusted” myself, okay, maybe in some way “blocked” things coming
through that I felt…so I wondered, what was the big problem with
Klemp? Couldn’t he “balance” himself or something? Didn’t make
sense, you know. Just like <ggg> the divorce thing. Didn’t make
sense. Why couldn’t “the master” balance his wife so she could deal
with him, you know? I *had* read quite clearly in the “teachings”
that the M/LEM balanced people.
Please note that in the above passage from the Greatest Klemp Chat Discussion Forum Board Thread Ever, when the poster mentions their theory, it needs to be clarified that this theory, which they are nearly ready to tell you, if you keep reading, is only ONE of their theories. VERY VERY VERY important to stress that you should not, under any circumstance, assume or believe that the theory that is about to be revealed is the sole, single, or only theory that the Poster (‘Poster’ is internet slang for the person who is writing the ‘Post’, which is the passage of text you are reading in cyberspace right now). This Poster “Sharon” (who also needs to get back to doing laundry) (which is a detail she reveals just before she–and I can only guess–leaps off the couch and heads towards the clothes washer), wants to make sure that we all know she has more theories.
I think the deal is that if Sharon (whose email address we can find out is a rather sultry ‘bright tigress’ @ something.com—about 87% of email addresses end with .com) just laid all her theories on us at once, we’d fucking die or something. Probably our heads would explode I bet. And we might end up looking like this Iraqi:
Dead person in Fallujah http://thewe.cc/weplanet/news/americas/us/war_crimes_fallujah.html#this_is_real
